Groans

Some people have no shame. I envy that I suppose, in a way. There's two stalls in my bathroom at work and some people have no problem at all with groaning their poop frustrations. Others have no problem just blowing the toilet up. Worse than in movies! I can't do that, because people know who is over there (especially if they groan) and I don't particularly want to be the guy they talk about with my noises.

In related news, some guys love to talk sports when they pee. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to look at you. I don't want to listen to you. I don't want to acknowledge your presence. I want to pee and go back to my desk. Want to talk at my desk? Sure no problem. But not while my Dick is in my hand. I don't care about that pass last night that got intercepted. I just want the urinal to intercept my piss.

Delicious.

How could you say no to these yummy sammiches?

Important question

Is selling watermelon at a fried chicken restaurant:

A) racist
B) A smart business decision

The choice is yours.

Why the world needs cheese

Here are my top ten reasons that the world needs cheese more than it thinks.

1. Goats would be less useful without their cheese we harvest from them.
2. Its the only thing that the French have going for them when they drink their wine.
3. what kind of sammich would you eat with tomato soup without grilled cheese?
4. What would we say the moon is made of? Dead white people?
5. I believe Kraft and velveeta would be out of business.
6. Its Fucking delicious.
7. It keeps homeless people from shitting themselves.
8. It should be its own currency. On the moon.
9. Bananas would taste like shit.
10. the rocky series of movies would have never been invented.

There you have it.

DJ Hero part 2

DJ Hero

Sometimes I wonder

Sometimes I wonder what people are doing when they come into the bathroom. I am sitting in the stall and they come in sometimes and strange noises. For instance I am pretty sure someone just came in with a disposable camera and took a picture of their dong. I just heard the strange clicking noise of someone winding up the film. They did not pee nor wash their hands, so that further makes me believe it was just dong picture taking time. All while poor.unsuspecting me sits here taking a shit like you are supposed to do in a bathroom.

Oh Thanksgiving, our excuse to be fat

Thanksgiving = eating, which = being fat. Its the only time were okay with stuffing our faces and being lazy napping skins. And I love it!

Battlefield vs cod

Super mini review: battlefield 3 multiplayer > modern warfare 3 multiplayer. Enough said.

Oklahoma

I have come to the conclusion that Oklahoma is the shittiest state in the USA to live. For the following reasons:

1. it is boring as hell.
2. There are tornados like every year.
3. Now you have to worry about earthquakes? What the fuck.

If it weren't for the casinos no one would go there.

Need a fourth

Battlefield is stuck a kick ass game but we need fourth player to round out the squad and then we shall rape and pillage!!

The dog days are over

Can you hear the horses cause here they come!

Yep

Pretty sure you have to be Mexican to work at Burkes.

Nice

I like how much easier it is to update on this phone. Like woa

and here we are.

and here we are now as I sit here and speak at my phone. It is filling out this post for me. I will not go back to make any corrections to this. I want you to see how it fares against my crappy voice. this might be the coolest thing that I've ever done. I love this new samsung galaxy s 2 phone. It is the tits. holy crap, I can't believe it is actually let me put it. and then on that sentence it put it instead of tits. not much you can do about it, but I still love it.

Who says blacks can't sing good?

This proves that blacks can sing something other than rap! (and be good at it)

Hate demo fails.

I hate it when I'm watching a demo of something live and it fails. Especially in the case of something that I am on the fence on.

Google and Samsung had their ice cream sandwich demo tonight (today if you were there in Hong Kong

Werewolves

You would think that werewolves would be the first to jump on the band wagon of killing zombies, but sometimes you have to prod them.

Also, gingers. Wtf?

Grand theft auto

Playing grand theft auto doesn't make you gay. Or a racist. Well, maybe a little racist.

Interesting, indeed

It seems that this app is MUCH better at posting. Me likey.

What the fuck?

New app on the phone to update. Updated the app and it's all slick now. Maybe it won't suck ass when I am trying to update now. Which means you must come read here more.

In other news, I shit a hammer.

Too many

I cant wrap my head around the number of "middle urinal pissers" there are. It's a firm unwritten man law that you don't walk into a bathroom and piss in the middle urinal if there's only 3.

We have 2 normal height and 1 lower height for dwarves. The lower one on the far right. I purposely go to this one when I am alone so someone doesn't get confused if I am at the far left normal height one and pees in the middle stall to avoid the small one.

When I walk into the bathroom and someone is alone at the middle stall I want to walk up to the stall next to them and just stare at them in the eyes really close and whisper "YOU CHOSE THIS - NOT ME."

But instead I go into the stall and just take a shit and blog about it.

What has my life come to when I blog about bathroom etiquette?

Cute truck...

It's weird, but occasionally people stop to talk to me about my truck at random places.

A few weeks ago an old man came up to me while I was getting gas and asked me if I was interested in selling my truck. Which caught me off guard, because at first I thought someone may have put a for sale sign on it as a joke and I didn't know it.

Yesterday I went to walmart to get some stuff and as I was loading my groceries into my truck a guy who was parked next to me in a big white truck was walking up to load his groceries.

So I did the polite nod that you do to strangers when you have to acknowledge they are there. He asked me "Does Ford still make small trucks like this?"

Generally sarcasm takes the best of me and I want to say something like "Are you fucking blind?" but I just told him that as far as I know they still make Rangers.

Then he asked me some more questions about my truck like if it's 4W drive, etc.

Then as I finished loading my groceries and he saw I was done talking to him, he said "Well, cute small truck" and walked away.

What the fuck?!

Statistically speaking

47% of people don't even own a mongoose. SERIOUSLY.

Could resist to post this

Wow 3 posts in one day?

As I was about to walk out of KFC I looked down at my packets they gave me with my meal. Important for 2 reasons:

1. Butter. Wow I totally didn't know this was butter! Chris knows.

2. It sounds like a sexual innuendo. If I worked here still I would ask people "Do you want some of the Colonel's honey sauce?". No woman could resist.

No more singing

About to leave now and he only sang it one more time. At first I was disappointed, but then he started to talk to someone about how he had it all in high school. He had a scholarship to go play football and to go run track and he had ANY woman he wanted...

But the kicker is he had a kid. His life ruined!!

Now he works as a cook at KFC and has a kid and stuck with his baby mama!!! It never is a dull moment here.

By the way he looks like a short, little bit fatter woody harilson. Total white trash.

HAY GURL WUTCHA WANNA DO IMA TAKE U BACK TO MAH HOTEL ROOOM!!!!!!

The US now has shittier credit

No longer a AAA credit, eh US?  Turns out we are now just a measly AA-plus, not to be confused with an AA-minus.  

I wish I knew more about why this stuff works and how, but I don't have the time/urge/care to learn.  Stocks are plummeting apparently?  I don't know. 

In other news, LEAGUE OF LEGENDS, OMG, LEAGUE OF LEGENDS.  Freakin' good game, and I need to play it about 583 hours this weekend.

Bears forced to drink vodka?

I read an article yesterday about how bears in Russia were forced to be inside clubs and bars and shit for entertainment. On top of that, a lot of the patrons would make them drink vodka.  Some activist group went in and freed all of the bears from this, or so it says.

I want to know why the bears didn't go on some sort of crazy mauling spree.  I mean, it's a fucking bear.  And you say "yeah well you can train bears!" but when it's drunk, who knows what the fuck it will do.  Who knows what the fuck I'll do when I am forced to drink vodka.  I could come maul you.

But MAYBE the bears loved the vodka.  I think you have to love vodka if you're in Russia.  It's kind of all there is to do. 

WHAT IS GOING ON!!

I have been using some apps to update my blog and it isn't working for some reason.  I even used to use a text to blogger to update but it isn't working either... I blame the debt of USA! 

Ouch

There isn't much to say when you see a headline like this in your CNN news app. Other than ouch. She cut off her husbands dick. Then she put it in a garbage disposal. OUCH.

Uploads failing!

Sometimes when I try to update the blog on my iPhone using this app uploads fail so there is a... FLURRY OF UPDATES!!

Roomier part 2

As you can see:

Roomier

Sometimes you just want to poop in the handicap stall to have more room.

Can't move my arms

Well I can but it hurts like a bitch. Super sore. On the bright side I am about to burn 400-500 calories again right now!

Anytime fitness

Went last night and started our free 7 days. Worked out last night then again this morning at 5 am. Pretty exhausted but feeling good!

Code monkeys unite!!!

I love this song and I loved the show that had this song as a theme song. It just came on my pandora radio.

Holy fucking hot Batman

I feel like I am in a constant sauna the moment that I step outside. I didn't sign up for this shit!!!

It's Saturday...

It's Saturday at 11 am. Do you know where your burrito is?

Success!

Someone bought a $300 dyson fan through my link!! $12 in my pocket, baby.

Beverly, you're so good I shit myself!

I love it when stuff gets past the censors on live shows. Tonight on The Voice, Adam Levine told one of the singers that she did so good that he shit his pants and it was hilarious. We watched it like 46 times. Well not really, but it was a lot.

The show is surprisingly good, especially the blind auditions.

Fuck you, censorship!

How about an update?

About time, yes? I have just been lazy I suppose. You know, grilling. Cause I am the guy.

And playing games, mostly. And work.

Oh! It's friday! The tip of the week is upon us!

This week the tip is don't let Sony ruin your day (month) because they will make it up with free games!! Joy to all!!!

I promise to get back into the swing of this. Check back often!

Busy

Hey I have an idea! Let's get busy as fuck right before I leave for vacation!!!

No it couldn't wait ONE week. I suppose it's best this way. If my team were handling my shit at work and didn't know what to do with all the busy shit I do, it'd probably be left for me to do when I got back.

Let's hope that doesn't happen.

Busy week and Fridays tip of the week

This week has been super busy for me. Doing one 1/2 peoples work at work is rough some days. I want 1-1/2 pay.

The tip of the day is that herr's baby back rib chips are delicious.

Friday's tip of the week

Don't snuggle with armadillos. They can give you leprosy.

KFC - A time to reflect

Every time I am in KFC I feel the need to post. I came here today out of sheer laziness. I didn't want to drive the jeep anywhere for lunch.

However I noticed something today. A couple of old ladies were in here eating while I was. I noticed that neither of them said one damn word the entire time. I came to a few possible conclusions for reasons as to why this was.

1. They think they are in the great depression where happiness, talking, laughing, or enjoying anything was strictly prohibited.

2. They are international spies. They knew I would listen to their plot to take over the free world, and foil their plan.

3. The food was so amazingly good they were left utterly speechless. I come to this conclusion because I assume anyone over the age of 70 on any given day now eats gruel.

4. They aren't used to talking with their teeth in. Maybe they got new teeth? Or maybe they didn't have teeth in and were eating like ducks. I don't see ducks talking while eating either. One interesting note here is that I almost put "dicks" and "fucks" on accident while typing "ducks" which would have drastically changed my conclusion.

5. They secretly hate each other and/or are secretly lesbians. Old lesbians who hate each other?

6. They are afraid that their information was taken by the hackers who hacked into the Sony playstation network. And they can't play call of duty online. I am sad too, old lesbians.

Too drunk to post

After the Bach party I've had to recoup, 2 handles and beer bongs will get you!

Video - Breaking News Videos from CNN.com

via cnn.com

They should have offered free McDoubles for everyone who showed up! That way they would have been too fat and tired to fight, but instead would have just sat around eating and becoming super unproductive.

That or guns. Yeah, guns are probably cheaper to control people. BIG guns. And a taser or two.

Or maybe some fried chicken.

Manwhiches

I ate too many sloppy joes and now I think I might hurl cause I am so full.

Japan and gamers

Its unfortunate that it's going to take over nine months to clean up the radiation alone, and who knows how much for the aftermath. And just to get the reactors either shut down or in working condition again.

I saw that gamers donated over $400,000 just in one game alone. The game Team Fortress 2 had a promotion for items in the game, and 100% would go to Japan relief.

Now maybe people just wanted the items and didn't care where the profits went, but I saw the items and I was not impressed. It was $30 for a big package of it and it was in game stuff like hats and what not. Sure, for people who are obsessed with the 100% completion of a game would want it no matter what. But I am inclined to believe it was for the Japan benefit.

Power steering

Driving without power steering is like playing a game on hard mode. It's doable, but you are noticeably at a disadvantage.

I have decided for now to drive without it. The guy at the repair shop said if I keep putting fluid in that it could mess up my belt because it is spraying out on it.

Also driving with fluid and it randomly going out is in my opinion worse than knowing that every turn will be a bitch.

Oh yay Monday

A potential good thing is I may be off Friday for Easter. I don't know yet but I'll find out when I go to work. I hope so!!!!

You've got a customer!!!

I am here eating lunch again at kfc because it's close and I don't feel like walking anywhere else. But this time Its slow? Weird. Also I was told if you come say you've never had a double down before they give you one for free which turns out is not true, so I had to buy one. Not that good really, I love bread too much.

Anyway it was just me and this other guy who was sitting across the restaurant, and someone else walked in and no one was behind the counter. The lady stands there for about 20 seconds and the guy who was in here already yells "YOU HAVE A CUSTOMER!!!!" and it scared the shit out of me because who the fuck yells randomly like that? I wanted to yell "YOU'VE GOT AIDS!!!!" because by the look of him I would figure he did but I thought better of it since it might not be Aids it could be just Herpes. And I didnt want to look like a liar.

Kfc

When I worked there, doing $2k a day was a busy day. Like REALLY busy.

I walked over there to eat lunch today so that I wouldn't have to bother putting in even more power steering fluid into my jeep, which is like pouring liquid money onto the ground basically since the leak is so bad now a quart is lasting me one trip.

Anyway, kfc was pretty hopping at 1 pm. They have a lot of new options and good marketing, it looks like they are getting their act together. Have day specific deals so when you go in something is on special. The food was actually decent too. Would like to know how much they do nowadays over there. And following the band wagon, they have $5 meal deals every day like subway and other places, like I think quiznos.

It was good enough that I would actually consider eating there again soon, when it isn't the best option within walking distance.

Dinner

Chicken tonight, holla!!

Jersey Shore

I have it on good authority that mountain lions LOVE jersey shore. And Jews.

Car troubles

I think cars know that I hate them and that they should just work for me. I have 2 barely working vehicles that I need to get to work every day and they act up I believe out of spite. Here's to hoping that the jeep comes through and starts working better soon.

A flurry of updates

Some are from today and some are from the past week that I didn't realize weren't updating. Crazy app.

However good weekend ahead, biggest thing is to clean house and mow the lawn, can't complain!

Uploads failing

I am using an app on my phone for my posts and some I just realized are failing. I am able to push some through to post now. Some are still being difficult. So no I am not drinking at 8:30 on a Friday. Not that I am above that, but I unfortunately have to work.

Fridays tip of the week

Never trust a fart.

Safety PSA

p1073.mov Watch on Posterous

Be safe out there, damn it.

Tip of the weekend

Don't put a banana sticker on your crotch or people will think there's a banana in your pants.

More your shape

I did it again last night and now I'm super sore. Feels great though except for not being able to walk... It LOVED making me do lunges last night for some reason.

Your Shape: Fitness Evolved - Official Launch Trailer | HD

via youtube.com

Holy shit - this game will kick your ass. I played it for the first time tonight and I am sweating my balls off. It's actually a lot of fun, and it'll wear you out for sure.

I felt it necessary.

p1050.mov Watch on Posterous

Yep.

Long time no update

Who's in charge up updating this thing? Jeez. I could have sworn I hired a Hindu kid to update this thing, but I guess not.

Losing an hour of sleep is like having a splinter. It doesn't kill you but you feel like it might, but is overall just annoying.

Not a bad day... For a monday

Had a pretty good day at work and home tonight, the dogs are crazy but hey what's new?

Fridays tip of the day

This pizza at cicis is delicious. Buffalo chicken pizza. Soooooo good!

Friday's tip of the week

Here is Friday's tip of the week:

If you drink a blue ocean water from sonic today, then tomorrow your poop will be green.

My lunch today

Download now or watch on posterous

p1628.mov (647 KB)

Yummy.

Man test

You go to a public bathroom and there are 3 urinals lined up next to each other on one wall. You are the only person currently in the bathroom. Which urinal do you go to?

1 | 2 | 3

SPOILER ALERT!
YOU DO NOT GO TO NUMBER 2. YOU GO TO NUMBER 1 OR 3!!!!

If you chose #2 there is a 97% chance you're gay. You are banking on the chance that someone will come in after you and have to pee right next to you.

No meat gazer is going to be checking out my pole, I will just go pee in the stall.

Leg pain

Getting very tired of this constant leg pain when I sit down. It's like someone has a lighter under my leg and I'm slowly burning. It sucks!!

Here's a pic I drew on my phone about fire.

Delicious

Anyone had this yet?? Looks good.

This ones for Bobby

Been a while

Since my last update. Went to San Antonio for a Scentsy thing for the wife then stayed a couple nights at Landon's. We had a great time and now were home.

Can't wait for the back to stop hurting!!

Back to the paper

Back feels a little bit better. And I've got 2 four hour meetings today and tomorrow. Yay?

Today

Woke up feeling better from my cold, so started cleaning house and I bent over to pick up a load of laundry and somehow threw out my back. Most of the day I was in horrible pain. I iced it and now it's at least bearable enough for me to go to work tomorrow.

Oh, and way to go packers!

Stupid cold

I got a bad head cold i am fighting off this weekend and I'm gonna whoop it's ass. Probably a lot of movie watching

Snow and ice

Kind of missing the ice on the roads in a way. It kept the masses from coming out which was nice when I was out on it. It's just melted enough now that the idiots are out and could slide into me. Hooray.

Work

Made it to work in these Wintery conditions and MAN parking is good today. Means work will SUCK cause so many people out.

Blank post

Whoops i posted a blank one there. I blame YOU.

The world is safe... For now!

We made sure that no giant gorillas were able to take over and turn you all into gorillas who carry around big boxes mindlessly. YOU'RE WELCOME.

Weekend bitches

Saving the world, drinking beer, sleep, flea market, 2 year old nieces bday party, more beer, movie or two, sleep, clean house, maybe even save the world some more. That's my estimated schedule starting....... In 2 min.

Wednesday

Halfway there, in the never-ending vicious cycle of work weeks. Did anyone watch the state of the union? I know I should have, but I opted instead to watch Tosh.0. Man is it funny.

2 monitors at work

It's taking some getting used to but we now have 2 monitors to use at work and it is oh so cool. But it makes me want more and more monitors. What would I do with them? I don't know really but I see it as a sign of power. Whoever has the most monitors is the one who shall rule them all!

Great weekend

Got to relax with lots of gaming and a few beers. The wife is doing much better and isn't in pain anymore which is great. Not looking forward to work again though

Worst. Week. Ever.

This has been one of the most stressful weeks of my entire life.  Jaci and I went to the ER Sunday morning at 2 AM, we went to the doctor on Tuesday, and to the dentist today.  We've tried everything to get her tooth and facial swelling better.  The dentist today had to lance her gum which just means he had to cut it so that the infection has a place to escape.  So there's pus coming from her gum where he lanced it.  Fun times.  On top of that, she is running a fever and if it gets too high we have to go back to the ER according to the dentist.

On top of all this, our dog Pixi had to go to the vet today.  Since Sunday she has had bloody diarrhea.  It has been gross.  I went to the vet and they said most likely she got a piece of the pork ribs from our BBQ this weekend.  They said that pork is one of the worst things you can give a dog.  DO NOT GIVE YOUR DOG PORK!!!  They said this is most likely what caused this, and she has been sick and tired all week too.

I am ready for this week to be over. 

Glorious Friday

And it'll be a good weekend with my brother and his fiancé coming in with their giant dinosaur of a dog to stay the weekend. The way our dogs play we borderline on dog fighting cause they are both young pups and play non stop. So much fun!

Kind of short week

It's Thursday and it feels like it should already be friday even though I've only worked at my normal job 1 day after jury duty. Cmoooooon Friday.

Back to the normal life

My time of being a juror is now over and I return to the world of customer service. It was an interesting experience and I don't mind having done it. Not necessarily saying I want to do it again anytime soon, however.

Aaaaaaand it's over.

Finally done with jury duty. Hooray!

Round 2

Jury duty again today, should be interesting...

Jury duty

Time to go serve the court system and do some jury duty. Fun times!!

Woa, snow?

I don't remember telling anyone that I approve of snow anytime today before 5pm. Who did this!?

Friday

There's a good chance that it is in face Friday, even inside your mouth.

Kinect sports

Holy crap it's fun but it's a workout! I'll try to get a video uploaded soon!

Yawn

For some reason when I wake up on my own on a day off at 6:45 I feel great. When I have to work and my alarm goes off at that time then I feel sleepy. Yay work!

Best Dallas Weight Loss

So I just saw this new site that went up, it's pretty neat for everyone around the Dallas area who has the new years resolution of weight loss!  Dallas Weight Loss check it out!